Just now I stumbled across my sister’s FB-page by way of another family member. This wouldn’t be anything special, had it not been for the fact that I haven’t spoken to my sister or my brother since 2007 now. I see how much their children are growing up and how they are excelling at life. It puts a smile on my face but also makes my heart hurt as I know I won’t ever be close to any of them.

Damn these social media sites! At least before, I couldn’t see as much what they were doing but now it only makes the hurt worse.
The reason I am not on speaking terms with my siblings is too private and won’t ever be discussed on here but it doesn’t stop me from wanting to talk about how much I miss them.

My family never was much of an extremely loving family. Don’t take that the wrong way because I felt very loved but in our home you never said “I love you”. Apparently, according to my mom, I was a very cuddly and loving child. Almost embarrassingly so  as I always liked to cuddle in public up until I was about 14. While I am at it, I might as well just disclose my biggest secret ever; I had a baby blankey until I was 18. There I said it! A grown man with a baby blanket. Whatever man, I had that blankey since I was a wee one.

Anyways, to get back to the subject at hand. I was the youngest by far. The age difference between me and my sister are 8 years, between my brother it’s 10. I felt very much like an only child growing up as my siblings were always off somewhere or doing things together because they were closer in age. I was just the annoying younger sibling who looked up to them and who they had to take care of when ma and pa weren’t around. Most of the time I hung out with my dad and he used to take me every where. That’s how some of the best memories I have were created.  A lot of dramatic events happened in my childhood and it kind of scattered my family, never really bringing it back to a solid unit. Until I was about 22. I moved back to Holland and started hanging out regularly with my siblings. It was awesome and I felt loved, you know, part of a real family. Blood is blood, after all.

Unfortunately the drama didn’t stay away, and this time the bond broke again. I really hope not permanently, but there is very a good chance it is. My parents got caught in the middle and it has been painful and awkward ever since. Especially when I read or hear about things such as weddings, children being born or reunions. I guess that’s why I don’t like to let people close to me, why would I when my family (FYI; never my parents!) has abandoned me multiple times. I grew up as a loner, and that’s just what I am used to being now. But that doesn’t mean I enjoy it. It’s my way of protecting and keeping myself from anymore heartbreak.

I do miss my siblings though (at times it gets unbearable) and I wish them all the best in their lives. It would’ve been nice if they would’ve been more open minded and loving towards their younger sibling though, considering I would’ve had their backs through thick and thin.

It’s at these times that I can tell that I am getting older. Time’s becoming too precious to let things go unsaid and to hold onto grudges. Life is all about LOVE. That’s all that really matters but we humans tend to fill our heads with nonsense that we need the new iPad, or Gucci-bag more. Life is NOT about materialistic things, all that stuff will perish. Love, however is infinite energy that will keep on flowing. I’ve forgiven most people in my life for what they have done to me, but there’s yet one person I haven’t forgiven yet who is the most important. And that person is myself. But that is slowly changing, I am learning and growing.

Until one day I can look at myself in the mirror and not have any regrets about my life at all.


Bulgaria, Bulgaria, Bulgaria

Bulgaria, Bulgaria, Bulgaria. Today I picked up my debit card from the bank. Of course it wasn’t just as simple as walking in and getting my card. No, the guard at the front door first wanted to know what I came to do there so I signed the shape of a card while saying “debit card”. Then I was guided to a desk where the first thing they wanted was my passport. Didn’t I do all this stuff a week before already when I filled out a dozen papers just to open a bank account? I guess not as the clerk needed more from me.

After filling out 5 more papers I finally got my debit card and internet banking. Granted the internet banking was set up a whole lot faster than in Ireland (it took about a month and a half!!) Then I wanted to activate it, the guard saw me “lurking” about the ATM so he told the clerk. The clerk then proceeded to come out and tell me my card wouldn’t be active for another four hours. Bummer. Not that there was a whole lot in my account anyways, try the amount of 0.

Anyways, that was an interesting experience. S and I haven’t been doing a whole bunch of touristy stuff because of the weather at the moment. Apparently May and June are the wettest months here and we are definitely noticing that. We did however, finally find a big supermarket with things we have been looking for ever since we got here. One of the most frustrating things is not being able to find what you need in a store cause a. you don’t know what it’s called, b. it’s all in Cyrillic. But we are starting to learn what certain things are in Bulgarian and it’s getting easier and easier.

I am definitely looking forward to summer time though. It can get extremely hot here and I really need to start working on my tan already.

Work’s been interesting, I haven’t quite made up my mind yet about it. But then again, I didn’t exactly come here for the job. I came for the country and to relax mostly. Unlike a lot of people, I really don’t care much for a career, never have and never will. My environment is the most important and this here is a great environment but I certainly miss my friends. My colleagues at work are mostly Dutch and I just don’t gel very well with other Dutchies. Kinda weird but it is what it is.

Next weekend S and I will be attending the team building for a day and a half. That should break the ice more between me and my colleagues. Hopefully we’ll make some connections with other people because at this point that’s really the only thing missing.

So not too much of exciting news but I am sure that’ll change soon enough.

Thanks for reading :).


10 Day You-Challenge; 2 Songs

You Got Me (live)-Jill Scott & The Roots
Gorgeous song, and I can play it over and over again. Jilly from Philly sounds amazing on this track and The Roots are a class apart in their own genre. As much as I love Erykah Badu, I much prefer Jill Scott in this version than the original. You got me baby..

Is this love?- Bob Marley
If there ever was a song that can immediately make me smile and lift me up, it’s this one. Bob always works his magic on me anyway, but this one takes me back, way back to my childhood. I grew up with Bob’s music and I will die with it. The man was a genius and he is always on my playlist. ❤

There you have it, my two favorite songs in the world.

What are yours?

Check back tomorrow for my last post in the 10 Day You-Challenge! 🙂

10 Day You-Challenge; 3 Films

So today is probably one of my favorite subjects; Movies! I can’t believe I only get to pick three when I have so many I’d like to share with you all. So I’ll just stick with the ones that have made the most impact on me in my life so far. A great movie makes me want to watch it over and over again, makes me feel like I’m in it and most importantly, makes me feel things I’ve never felt before, or makes me feel them much more powerful. So let’s go!

Tootsie; okay so this might not qualify as a ‘great’ movie, but I played this VHS until it couldn’t be played anymore when I was little. I think it had something to do with having a major crush on Jessica Lange.. The movie is hilarious and Dustin Hoffman plays the role very convincingly.

Indiana Jones; the first three. I cannot tell how important Indiana Jones was for me when I growing up but he was everything I always wanted to be (and never became). A history-teacher by day, kick-ass archaeologist at night, what’s not to love? Harrison Ford has got to be my favorite actor of all time. Just the theme-song alone gets me going.

Into the Wild; this is the one movie that has changed my entire life. Mainly because I never thought I would come across a story (a true one at that) that could word and display my feelings so well. Here is a guy who did exactly all the things I ever wanted to do in my life, minus the getting stuck in the Alaskan wilderness and dying.  I swear that this movie chokes me up every time I see it.

Those are my favorite 3, however my list is extremely long and is constantly updated with new films.

Thanks for checking!

10 Day You-Challenge; Four Books

Under the Dome-Stephen King; He has to be one of my favorite authors and pretty much all of his stories are great but Under the Dome is just insane.

The Clan of The Cave Bear series- Jean M. Auel; my mom actually got me reading this when I was only around 12 or so. There’s in total now like 6 books but the first book of the series has to be my favorite.

Harry Potter- J.K. Rowling; predictable but I thoroughly enjoy all the books, especially the later ones.

The Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy-Douglas Adams.  Don’t really have a lot to this one, if you’ve been around my blog for a while, you’ll be able to tell I am quite crazy about Space. So this really shouldn’t come as a big surprise lol ;).

That was it again for today! Check back again tomorrow for Three Films :D.

Thanks for reading.

10 Day You-Challenge; 5 foods

Spicy shrimp fried rice; this is a meal that S came up with one day and it HAS to be in my top 5 fave foods.

Belgian fries in a pointy bag with mayo!

Roti with chicken-filet; Surinamese Hindustani-dish which is one my fave childhood dishes.

This dish I hardly ever have cause the only person that can make it the best, is my mom.

My absolute favorite dish in the world is Nasi Rames Special. This is an Indonesian dish and does not beat anything I’ve ever had in my life.

 Check back tomorrow for Four Books!

Thanks for reading and if you like what you see, grab the rss feed or begin following me :D!