Eat Pray Love

The last few days numerous signs have popped up in my life, only solidifying what I’ve been feeling and thinking about the last few months.

And after watching the movie Eat Pray Love, it only really sank in. I feel like a zombie, I am going through this life like a zombie pretty much. When I wake up in the morning, there’s nothing that I truly feel passionate about or that I want to do. This truly scares me because this is not how I want to be as a person. The thing that I always have known about me is that I always had a passion for something in my life. I’ve realized that I am a very intense person and I need intensity in my life just as much as I need oxygen.

The movie Eat Pray Love is most likely one of the only movies who made a big impact on me, and I was very opposed to watching it at first because I just deemed a chick flick and I also don’t care for Julia Roberts at all. However, in this movie it addressed nearly everything that I am struggling with. Some people just aren’t born to be stay at home wives/husbands and to have their weekends revolve around picking out home appliances. Some people need to have the experience of being able to marvel at something, to be in awe of what your eyes are feeding you. I am one of those people and some days I feel like my flame has been extinguished before it even had a chance to burn the brightest.

This is nothing against my love for my girlfriend because she makes me very happy but I refuse to be defined by a romantic relationship because there is more to me than being somebody’s spouse. I need to be me and I am very much in search of my ‘word’.  You would think that these things become easier once you become older, but the opposite is true. You just start feeling it push more and more on your mind and heart, the uncanny feeling that there is something is ‘missing’  from your life.

Now I’ve said on here before that I had found that feeling in someone else. I did, but this is not the lesson I was supposed to draw from this. She was only supposed to be the catalyst, to show me the way. The true voyage begun the moment she left, to be able to find it in myself and only myself. To find God in myself as me, to so adequately quote Liz in Eat Pray Love.

The movie is broken down in 3 parts.

Eat: this is the start of Liz’ journey and in my own interpretation stands for feeding your soul with what it needs. In Liz’ case this is very literally GREAT food while being in beautiful surroundings. Learning to not feel guilty for experiencing true pleasure. This lays the foundation for what happens next for her, and gives her a new found appreciation of life.

Pray: Liz definitely struggles with finding her mindfulness and quietness in her search for God and forgiveness, most likely because this part is where she has to do the most work and she has no idea how to let go of the control, of the restrictions she’s put on herself.  This is the part of the journey where she is very clearly shown a mirror and is confronted with herself. Here again, she finds kindred spirits who show her that she is nowhere near the only one who struggles with forgiving herself and finding true love for her own soul. At least, this is my interpretation and if you have a different one, please feel free to share it.

Love: Liz reaches her final destination, in more ways than one. She lastly goes to Bali, Indonesia and this is where she learns to implement the things she has learned so far from her travels and she believes that she has found the perfect balance between everything. Little does she know that she’s not done learning yet. She finds love again, this time in a true form with a person who is strikingly similar to herself. But she is now afraid to lose that newly found balance and doesn’t want to lose herself in yet another romantic relationship because she feels that all her work will have been done for nothing. She doesn’t realize that all the work she has done, was necessary in order to prepare her for true love, for both herself and her partner. To quite from the book and movie : “To lose balance sometimes for love is part of living a balanced
life.”  And: “People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master…”

Needless to say this movie made a very deep impact on me, and I am not afraid to say I cried when Elizabeth realized powerful things about herself as it was like having my own face shoved into my own issues. I have not yet read the book and I am planning on running out and finding it today because I have a feeling that the book has even more to show and tell me. What I will do with all this, is still a mystery to me but it is a start..a start of the journey into myself. A journey for my higher self who is eternally at peace.

I apologize to myself first and foremost for putting my soul through such painful ordeals, but I realize that this is all a part of it. We HAVE to experience these things in order to be able to appreciate life and find ourselves. I will no longer use another person to fulfill my needs or make them responsible for my happiness. Only I can and should do that. Only I should have that power. Solely me.

I forgive myself for not trusting myself enough and deeming myself worthy for self-love. In the end nobody can tell you what spirituality truly is, YOU have to find out through obstacles and experiences what rings true to you. So don’t ever think you are wasting time, it’s all a part of the process ultimately.



What a weekend!

This weekend has been one of the greatest I’ve experienced ever! Some of the best memories were made and because of that, life seems just so much more hopeful again.

I saw one of the best short-stories I’ve ever seen and I wanted to share it with you here, 

Paperman has no words and doesn’t need them, it tells the story through music and frames.

Wreck-it Ralph in 3D came afterwards and I am crazy about that movie. Seems to me that Disney still has what it takes. :).