I know we haven’t spoken in a while but you still cross my mind most days.
Sometimes when I haven’t thought of you for a longer period, you start popping up in my dreams, almost as if to stay ‘Hey, don’t you forget me now! I am still around.’ Those always tend to make me smile when I wake up and set the pace for a great day.
Lately you’ve been visiting my dream space nights in a row. Now I don’t know if this all comes from my own imagination or if maybe we are really connecting in some way. Could be just wishful thinking on my part though.
All I know is that, you come to me in my dream and you point things out to me. Give me advice and make me feel loved. You’re there for me even if we might not speak in reality. It’s comforting to me.
I try not to focus too much on our lost friendship anymore and I’ve been doing alright with it. Trying to live life to the fullest and trying to make the right decisions. It’s not always easy but I figure maybe that’s the point of life.
To learn and keep going when it gets tough. And no matter what happens, to keep laughing. Eventually something great could happen.
When you disappeared from my life, I lost it quite severely. That’s me being honest. And I thought I’d never be able to recover but I guess I am stronger than I thought. I’ve been able to build myself back up and have changed so much on the inside. Wait, maybe ‘changed’ isn’t a good word. I’d prefer to say I’ve grown. I no longer regret what happened; eventually everything has to happen for a reason. It’s all in the past and I’ve forgiven myself for having been an ass.
It doesn’t mean I don’t miss you. I just miss you differently. It no longer consumes my world. Which really wasn’t healthy.
I guess you could almost say that I’ve ‘detoxed’. Life makes me laugh at the moment. It keeps throwing me curveballs and I am trying my best to keep hitting them out of the ballpark.
I’ve come to a point where I am just doing what makes my heart sing, regardless of the decisions that need to be made.
And those are the decisions I end up dreaming about before I make them; which are the dreams where you show up and sometimes gently nudge me, sometimes hit me over the head hard to stop doubting and go for it already.
So you see; I guess you’ll never truly be apart from me. Just like I will always be there for you. It has nothing to do with our history, the present or the future.
You just belong in my life one way or the other. So if all I can have is dreams, then that’s okay with me.