I have started a little ritual, which is to go for an after midnight-walk through for as long as my feet can take me.
See, lately I have been quite restless and ready to pull the hairs out of my head. One night I just got up and went. Now why after midnight?
For some reason I feel myself more after dark. Under the blanket of the night, I can be outside for the longest times.
Also going for some fresh air, kickstarts my creativity and allows me to write and also clear my mind if something is been bothering me.
There’s something about the deserted streets and the quiet, although I can’t leave the house without my music :).
Funnily enough I can’t seem to adjust this ritual for a walk in the daytime. There is always too many people and traffic for me to be able to have a relaxing walk. It’s almost as if I am a vampire.. 😉
It’s at times like these though that I can quite end up missing my dogs, who would always join me for a midnight adventure. There’s nothing quite like a trusty sidekick who also functions as a protector at the same time. My goal is to ultimately have another dog or two again but only when I have completely settled down and am able to give them the care that they need.
Earlier tonight I was watching a youtube-video by Tony Robbins, who is a phenomenal motivational speaker (possibly the best public speaker out there) and self-help coach from America. I’ve watched quite a few motivational speakers over the years but I’ve never quite come across a speaker quite as impactful and charismatic as him.
It’s partly because of him that I want to finally take full 100% control of my own life and set my own standards for myself higher. My standards for everything that I do now, are way too low which makes it easy to never be disappointed as the stakes are never too high.
Tonight I was feeling particularly restless and by chance I happened to watch one of his videos. 30 minutes later I was rearing to go! Tony has an uncanny ability to speak to you directly, and mirror to you what you already know but have been procrastinating for whatever reason you may have.
After all, who else is going to make you happy if not yourself?
So long I have been sort of been waiting around for change and progress to come. With the endresult always having to settle for something that I never really wanted in the first place. This goes for most of the aspects in my life and I am just plain tired of it.
Tired of rejection because I never valued myself high enough to begin with. I want to find out what I am truly worth and break the damn glass-ceiling that I created for myself. Pretty sure I am able to create the type of life I truly want if I envision it hard enough and set the goals to get there.
I know I know, I have been saying it for a while now that I want change and that I am going to create it myself. Somehow I never quite was brave enough to take the most important frst step. However, there’s something about 2014 that just feels different. Maybe a year of change? Could also be wishful thinking though.
Babysteps is what I am starting out with though,; I am changing up most of my rituals (clearing out the bad ones) and just adding good ones.
Apparently the ritual of me going for a walk nearly every night seems to have been helping already. I dropped quite a lot of weight within the last 2 weeks and I am starting to feel more like myself again, whereas before I just felt like a fat sack of shit :/. So this is good for the self-esteem part I’d say.
Soon I am going to be a sexy son of a b*tch. Hehe.