I haven’t spoken to you in a long time, matter of fact I haven’t even seen you in an even longer time.
Tomorrow would’ve been the day you would’ve turned 29, had I not made the decision to no longer be you.
But I have a confession to make; I miss you. I miss the female guidance that came from you, and I very much miss the sweetness and vulnerability inside of you.
I have lost myself over the years, and have been too focused on being a straight male trying to fit into this rigid and static gender society. But we both know that gender isn’t static, it’s fluid. It’s something I have come to learn as I have grown older.
I miss you as part of my life which might be strange for outsiders to comprehend because I hated being inside that body. And it’s true but there are also a lot of things that were the best part of me. I admit that sometimes I wish I could react the way I used to when I was you, without fear of judgement. I don’t want to be scared anymore to completely be myself; it’s okay not to be like other people. I have started to see my genderdsyphoria as a gift now. Not many people can know what it’s like to both have been female and male in the same lifetime. When I started my transition I tried to distance myself from female behaviour as much as I possibly could in order to fit in. It was wrong but not strange. I joke when I am around women and say I don’t get them but truth is, I understand completely. And same goes for men.
Tomorrow I turn 29 and I needed to tell you that I love you and I am sorry for trying to eradicate you from my life so hard. I want to honor everything you stood for and how beautiful you were even if I couldn’t see it at the time.
I am still happy that I made the decision to transition and I would never want to go back. But you were absolutely awesome. And I miss having you around.
You were Pure. Sweet. Understanding. Emotional. Female. Male. Beautiful.
I wanted the world to know that You existed in Me, as Me. Happy Birthday to US ❤