I know you think you’re the only one feeling these feelings.
Im here to tell that you’re not.
Everything you feel is in my heart too.
As crazy as people think that sounds,
It will always be the absolute truth.
Every day I struggle, every day I fight
The war with myself is one I can’t seem to win no matter what I do.
So I focus on my spirituality, the only thing that gets me through
Because like you, I want to believe that there is more.
More to this life, where we work to live and live to work only to continue the cycle with our children.
I want more than that, always have
But I realize that the answer to peace is inside of myself even if I haven’t found it yet.
Every time I awake more and more spiritually and I remember, who I am and where I truly come from.
It feels great to remember but it makes the comedown so much harder because who wants to return to reality when it’s so…common.
Today someone told me, hang in there, it’s only one week. To which I replied ‘and then another and another’.
When will it change? When will I be satisfied?
Lots of things have changed over the last years and I cope but I miss certain periods of time very dearly. Losing loved ones because I reject everyone close to me is something that has not benefited me in any way.
I rejected them when I was thinking they rejected me. But I am glad that it’s finally clear to me.
I fear things like you..I fear too much and it’s stopping me from truly living.
So even though we might not talk anymore, it doesn’t mean you don’t cross my mind every day. I know what that nagging feeling, that hollow empty feeling is like deep inside you.
Only I could understand what it’s like to go from absolute happiness at a party to sinking into an abyss of feelings and thoughts.
It’s okay and it’s a part of who we are.
Sometimes we don’t realize that the things we truly want and need are right infront of us but we never noticed it to begin with. Life IS more than a fancy car, job or house. It’s about finding your core again and remembering your greatness of where you come from. This is just a ride…this is not IT. This is not where it ends.
My friend, when the battle feels the hardest, it’s because you’re close to a breakthrough. Even if it doesn’t feel like that.